As I shared final week, April is the NINTH anniversary of Frugalwoods! To have a good time, I’m typing down reminiscence lane with reflections on a few of my most influential outdated posts. 9 years is a very long time to do something and I’m curious to see if I agree with my outdated self or if my ideas have modified within the intervening years.
Previous Me vs. Present Me: A Showdown
Frugalwoods Household Easter Picture April 2014
The primary publish I need to replicate on was an actual zinger when it got here out and generated fairly a little bit of controversy and dialogue (288 feedback!). Revealed July 27, 2015, it’s my oft-cited “Much less Make-up, Extra Confidence: My Frugal Magnificence Manifesto.“
After I wrote this, I used to be 31 and didn’t have any youngsters. Re-reading it now–at 39 with two younger youngsters–my ideas have modified. To begin with, the writing is unhealthy. It’s painful to have a look at one thing you thought was AMAZING 8 years in the past and understand it’s MEDIOCRE AT BEST. I used to be nonetheless discovering my voice, I hadn’t but learn “The Artwork of Memoir” and it reveals. Transferring on…
I opened this piece with:
I’ve stopped sporting make-up fully. Properly virtually fully–I nonetheless don mascara and the occasional lip gloss, however in any other case, my face is make-up free
True or False in 2023?
Principally true. Since adopting a pixie reduce in 2021 (with no plans to return to lengthy hair), I discover myself placing on eye make-up (liner, shadow and mascara) for out-of-the-house and video name excursions. With out eye make-up and hair merchandise, I appear like a younger Justin Bieber. Not in a scorching approach.
Frugalwoods Household Easter Picture 2023 (taken this previous Sunday)
I nonetheless don’t put on any on-the-face make-up as a result of I can’t stand the best way it feels on my pores and skin and it at all times makes me escape. I wore some on-the-face make-up for the marriage I went to in February and it was itchy. It did look good with my fire-engine crimson lipstick from Walgreens, however not one thing I’m going to do on the common.
Consequence: largely true, with me really sporting extra eye make-up now than in 2015.
Subsequent I wrote:
I cringe once I consider simply how a lot of these two valuable sources–money and time–I wasted on one thing as insignificant as my bodily look. My devotion to how I look was spurred on in equal elements by insecurity and the pressures that our tradition mercilessly levies on girls to achieve more and more unattainable ranges of perfection.
I largely agree with myself right here. I used to be/am insecure and our tradition is certainly cruel to girls in nearly each approach attainable (and appears to search out new methods on a regular basis!).
→Nevertheless, I disagree with myself that bodily look is “insignificant.”
Sadly, I believe it’s fairly darn vital for most individuals once they’re attempting to get a job, hold a job, discover a accomplice, command respect, not be harassed/bullied for his or her id or look and… ya know, be an individual on the planet. I believe it’s supremely privileged to deign bodily look as insignificant as a result of for many individuals, it’s a vital determinant of their skill to maneuver up in socioeconomic class/standing, advance of their careers, discover a accomplice, categorical their gender id, and so on.
Me + Frugal Hound the day I began Frugalwoods
I’d like for bodily look to be “insignificant,” however that’s one thing solely a conventionally enticing particular person can say. It’s form of like when a wealthy particular person tells you that cash doesn’t matter. In the event you’re scrambling to pay hire and feed your youngsters, then YEAH cash issues.
I can, nevertheless, relate to my outdated self and my nascent subjugation of my look. I’d spent shut to fifteen years at that time hyper-focused on my look and I keep in mind on the time feeling that I wanted to do an entire detox. Similar to the “lean Frugalwoods years” I outlined on this publish, I wanted to return to zero earlier than I might discover tenable center floor.
Consequence: I agree that I wasted loads of time worrying about my look, I agree that magnificence requirements are unattainable and serve to make folks insecure. I disagree that look is insignificant. I believe the nuance right here is that it’s vital in lots of cultural contexts; however each day, every particular person can select to relegate or amplify its significance relying on what they’re doing that day.
The Privilege Of Standard Attractiveness
One other factor I missed in 2015 was the truth that by not sporting make-up, I used to be placing myself just one commonplace deviation away from society’s typical magnificence requirements of: white, skinny, tall, cisgender, and heterosexual. I used to be nonetheless all of these different issues. Me not sporting make-up wasn’t going to begin a revolution. However once more, it was revolutionary for me as a person and my conception of my self-worth.
→It’s attention-grabbing now–with the advantage of hindsight–to nestle my private expertise throughout the broader societal context of magnificence expectations.
Subsequent We Take pleasure in 5 Paragraphs on Pimples:
With our first child, Kidwoods, in 2017
I’d say that is extra paragraphs than anybody needs to examine zits. Count on perhaps dermatologists. Shout out to my dermatologist readers–this one’s for you!!! The zits state of affairs cleared up as soon as I ended sporting on-the-face make-up and went via the hormones of birthing and breastfeeding two youngsters. Professional tip: if you happen to undergo from zits, clear it up via the one bizarre trick of being pregnant and breastfeeding! Unwanted side effects embrace: you now have youngsters. Congratulations!
In all seriousness, I’m completely happy my zits’s gone because it did plague me from age 13 to age 34, which looks as if an excessively very long time for zits to plague an individual…
Consequence: I agree, zits stinks! It’s attention-grabbing to have a look at outdated photographs of my acne-covered pores and skin and understand how fortunate I’m to not have it. It’s humorous how rapidly I forgot how a lot I hated that zits.
→As quickly my zits disappeared, I began specializing in a unique concern: burgeoning wrinkles… If I enable myself to go down that street, I’ll by no means be content material with my look. I’ll at all times discover one thing else to fret about or dislike.
Then I Mentioned:
I decreased the period of time I spend preparing every day and slowly, I eradicated magnificence merchandise and regimens from my life. As every new routine fell by the wayside, an attention-grabbing factor occurred: I started to love myself extra. Gone was the self-inflicted distress of pinching fats and scanning my pores and skin for breakouts. It was changed by a newfound sense of confidence, delight, and integrity about who I’m as an individual–and notably, I’ve found I’m not a problematic bag of beauty points.
…..and with each youngsters in 2019!
Okay yeah, I largely agree with this. When it comes to reducing my getting-ready time, I believe it could be extra correct to say I’ve accomplished a U graph of preparing. A lopsided U, which fairly intently follows the define of:
Pre-Frugalwoods Hedonistic heyday→Lean Frugalwoods→Upkeep Section Frugalwoods
Hedonistic Heyday (the spendy years): included an in depth magnificence/preparing routine. Every part was accomplished. All of the make-up. Nails, hairspray, fragrance. Title a chemical; I used to be placing it on myself.
Lean Frugalwoods (the uber frugal years): nothing in any respect, anticipate perhaps some mascara. No nails, no hair merchandise, hair cuts accomplished by my husband, no new garments, not showering day by day with the intention to save water and cleaning soap.
Present Frugalwoods Upkeep Section: completely happy center floor! I really feel like I’ve settled at a sustainable center spot, however I’m additionally not deluded into pondering this’ll by no means change. That’s what being virtually 40 has taught me: each time I believe one thing’s set for all times, it modifications. I’m much more comfy with uncertainty now that I’ve confirmed my skill to adapt and flex.
Right here’s my present magnificence routine:
- Haircuts at an costly salon each 3-5 months to keep up my pixie:
- I’ve my stylist reduce it fairly quick to permit extra time between cuts.
- I did, nevertheless, go too far final 12 months once I had her shave the again of my head. Whereas this enabled me to go 7 months earlier than my subsequent reduce, I didn’t like the excitement–it seems to be so cute on different folks, however simply wasn’t for me.
- Good hair merchandise used day by day (until we’re snowboarding):
- Advantage of quick hair: I exploit little or no every day!
- Eye make-up: if I’m going to see folks on display screen or in actual life (until we’re snowboarding):
- To fight my Justin Bieber look
- Weekly: tweeze and trim wild eyebrows myself
- Garments: jewellery, a gown, a cardigan and leggings (until we’re snowboarding):
Often:
- Paint my very own nails (perhaps quarterly?)
- Put on on-the-face make-up (perhaps twice a 12 months)
- Purchase new garments (varies; I’d say most likely quarterly)
And Now, A Part on Criticizing One’s Personal Self
Again in 2015 I wrote:
It was really Mr. Frugalwoods who took me to job about my behavior of self-berating mirror-gazing. He identified that once I criticize my determine, I’m projecting negativity onto everybody round me.
Me and my women in 2019
This stays among the finest interventions by my husband up to now. If different folks can hear you, you’re not simply criticizing your self or “speaking to your self.” You’re amplifying society’s objectifications and judgements for everybody round you. I’m tremendous happy with myself that I’ve stopped criticizing my physique, my look, my garments. Out loud, at the very least. The interior monologue might at all times use extra work. However on the very least, I’m grateful I’m capable of mission and mannequin confidence for my daughters.
The Subsequent Part is titled: “Concentrate on Well being, Not Superficiality”
I can see what I used to be attempting to do on this part nevertheless it comes throughout kinda preachy:
Somewhat than losing time on efforts that yield no intrinsic dividends (like sporting make-up or blow drying my hair), my focus has shifted to substantive, nourishing, and enriching actions. The hunt of well being turned my outlet for a way I take into consideration my physique and the way I understand myself.
A lot of my self-worth was wrapped up within the frivolity of my look and as soon as I set that apart, I had a wealth of power to pour into extra fulfilling and significant pursuits. Therefore, I’m not advocating whole disavowal of caring for oneself, relatively, I now focus on issues that make me really feel good–not simply on issues that make me look good.
I invested this displaced power into maintaining a healthy diet meals and exercising. I added muscle, I misplaced fats. I take my nutritional vitamins. Humorous how that works–as quickly as I ended exerting my consideration in direction of the superficial, I began doing higher issues for my physique.
Mountain climbing with the women in 2020
This tone rubs me the improper approach. Sure, I agree that train/motion is sweet, however I appear to be implying that it’s a must to surrender worrying about your exterior look with the intention to be more healthy, which I don’t agree with. An individual can like to put on make-up AND get pleasure from doing nourishing issues. I believe I oversimplified the difficult relationship all of us have with our our bodies and our appearances. However, it’s onerous to unpack and metabolize all of that nuance if you’re in the course of figuring it out for your self. I don’t suppose I might’ve written this any in another way eight years in the past. I used to be within the early levels of this life transformation and I needed to swing from one excessive to the opposite. I used to be a pendulum ready to search out its heart.
Sadly, I believe I used to be 100% right within the part titled: “Entrepreneurs Need Ladies To Really feel Badly About Themselves”
It begins in adolescence with zits and migrates all the best way to wrinkles and gray hair. On this approach, producers hold girls as rapt customers for his or her total adults lives.
My edit now can be so as to add “girls and women-identifying folks and in addition simply all folks all over the place.” I don’t disagree with this and it’s nonetheless one thing I take into consideration so much.
However then I ruined it by saying:
I don’t must spend cash so as to be ok with myself or to be stunning.
I perceive the foundation of what I used to be attempting to say, however I believe that is an oversimplification. I admire that I used to be divorcing myself from the buyer carousel of magnificence merchandise, however once more, there was a center floor I hadn’t but explored.
Do I must spend $1,000 a month on skincare merchandise to really feel stunning? No. Do I select to spend $82 on a haircut a number of instances a 12 months to really feel stunning? Completely.
Halloween 2022
Okay really, I mentioned it fairly effectively a couple of paragraphs later:
I believe it’s attainable to strike a stability between disavowing our client tradition’s fixed stream of negativity in direction of girls’s our bodies and an entire absence of caring for one’s look.
Okay, not unhealthy, outdated me. That’s fairly good!
Isn’t this, like, a brilliant frivolous factor to jot down about?
Sure and in addition no. Prefer it or not (I largely not prefer it), we’re all swimming in culture-infested waters. We’re all topic to a pursuit of perfection bought to us day-after-day. And regardless of occupied with it, writing about it and re-writing about it, I nonetheless get caught obsessing about my look. I just lately purchased a hoop mild so I’d look higher on video calls. I’m not immune to those societal expectations and pressures. I don’t suppose it’ll ever be attainable for me to utterly ignore “magnificence” in all its varieties, however I don’t suppose I need to, both.
Acknowledging that I can’t ever totally “remedy” that is most likely the perfect, most sincere factor I can do for myself. I appeared to suppose I needed to utterly resolve my emotions round it again in 2015; as evidenced by my writing:
I’m a a lot happier and safer particular person now that I’ve dismissed the almighty import of outward look in my life.
I believe I’ve decreased its significance in my life. However dismissed? I don’t suppose that’ll ever be attainable for me. Then I doubled down and mentioned:
I actually don’t care if folks choose me.
I believe it’d be extra correct to say “I don’t care as a lot when folks choose me. Though it nonetheless hurts as a result of I’ve emotions am not, in truth, an automaton or a boulder.”
Current Day: What I Battle With Now
Lunch date with my littlest Littlewoods
I might like to let you know that I’ve by no means considered getting botox, however that will be a lie. I haven’t gotten it and I doubtless gained’t, however each time I hear from a up to date that they’re getting it (most just lately Nora McInerny from Horrible, Thanks For Asking who is precisely the identical age as me), I’m like, “rattling, is that what we’re all doing as we glide into our 40s???” It’s onerous to not marvel if I’m lacking out by not doing it.
I’ve additionally entered a perpetual tug of battle between my retinol wrinkle-prevention cream and my generic walmart moisturizer. If I exploit the retinol stuff an excessive amount of, my pores and skin will get dry and crimson. Then I declare I’m by no means utilizing it once more and I’m going again to my moisturizer. Per week later, I discover all of the wrinkles round my eyes and dig the retinol cream out of the again of the cupboard. Sooooo, yeah…
Is there something WRONG with my wrinkles? Do they make me a BAD particular person? Do they make me UNATTRACTIVE? I’d say no to all of these, however then once more, I’m a girl on this society and I do take into consideration what different folks take into consideration me and my wrinkles. Most likely they don’t even take into consideration my wrinkles in any respect. However perhaps they do???????? Most likely you’re now all occupied with them.
As I famous above, I used to observe this identical obsessive course of round my zits. So I’ve swapped zits for wrinkles.
The distinction is in how I really feel about it. I don’t intensely fear about my wrinkles the best way I did my zits.
Maybe what I’ve accomplished is flip down the quantity on my interior magnificence critic. That voice remains to be there, however I’m so much higher at shutting it up. I don’t have the bandwidth to care as a lot as I used to and that appears like progress.
→Over time, I’ve tried to focus extra on what I’m doing versus what I appear like.
Look will at all times be a thought bubble in my life, however I really feel extra assured and content material at 39 than I did at 31.
This nine-year retrospective mission gained’t neatly resolve the problems I wrote about prior to now, nevertheless it does assist me interrogate my beliefs and the way they’ve–hopefully–advanced over time. In spite of everything, if we don’t change our minds about stuff over time, we’re most likely not increasing our experiences, ideas and perceptions.
How have your ideas on magnificence requirements and look modified? What different Frugalwoods matters would love me to revisit?
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